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day 1 (morning)
[ So. That sure was a night, but much to Jack's surprise, he had actually slept surprisingly well. He'd expected to be up all night with a combination of all the questions running through his mind and a still quite tender injury, but that hadn't been the case. Since he'd gone to bed (or at least started to drift off) rather well before the effects of the curfew started, Jack was oblivious to what had actually occurred the previous night.
He hadn't actually specified a time to talk to that crazy asshole, and in truth, Jack hadn't quite meant "first thing in the morning" when he'd said so. But of course, Jack isn't that lucky. Considering curfew had passed quietly and not everyone was up yet, he's kind of hoping he can quickly make something and then finally go shower, because he's still looking more or less like he just woke up. And, you know, got punched in the face. He's not quite dressed for the day yet, still wearing sweats and a Hyperion Yellow t-shirt, but probably more notably than that would be the black rim glasses that are sitting on his bruised nose.
Jack is busy in the kitchen, having ordered some instant coffee from the commissary, and he's in the process of preparing that. Still, while the water boils, he's digging around in the cabinets again, since he's looking for something he can turn into a slightly less sad breakfast. Whether Rhys comes to the kitchen to try and do the same or just hears Jack, either way, he's still a talker. ]
Ahhhhh godddd this is so friggin' sad. I feel poor again. There's- C'mooon Judy just give me some eggs or something, I can just eat scrambled eggs...
[ He's definitely just quietly bitching to himself as he's digging around in the cabinets, don't mind him. ]
He hadn't actually specified a time to talk to that crazy asshole, and in truth, Jack hadn't quite meant "first thing in the morning" when he'd said so. But of course, Jack isn't that lucky. Considering curfew had passed quietly and not everyone was up yet, he's kind of hoping he can quickly make something and then finally go shower, because he's still looking more or less like he just woke up. And, you know, got punched in the face. He's not quite dressed for the day yet, still wearing sweats and a Hyperion Yellow t-shirt, but probably more notably than that would be the black rim glasses that are sitting on his bruised nose.
Jack is busy in the kitchen, having ordered some instant coffee from the commissary, and he's in the process of preparing that. Still, while the water boils, he's digging around in the cabinets again, since he's looking for something he can turn into a slightly less sad breakfast. Whether Rhys comes to the kitchen to try and do the same or just hears Jack, either way, he's still a talker. ]
Ahhhhh godddd this is so friggin' sad. I feel poor again. There's- C'mooon Judy just give me some eggs or something, I can just eat scrambled eggs...
[ He's definitely just quietly bitching to himself as he's digging around in the cabinets, don't mind him. ]
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he stopped at the bathroom first, taking a quick leak and brushing his teeth before heading to the kitchen. his footsteps are soft in just his socks and his oversized hyperion sweater keeps him warm in the crispness of the morning. he hears a muffled voice from the kitchen, of course, but he doesn't pay it any mind before walking in, mid-yawn and fingers running through fluffy, ungelled hair.
of course, he spots jack immediately, pausing mid-step as his eyes zero in on jack but he's just still so tired. he can't really put enough thought into jack and what this might mean. even knowing he should say something, he can't think of anything so maybe he should just leave? but then his conversation with judy drifts back into his head and okay. right. he can do this.
his voice is low and gruff from sleep as he waves a hand and heads over to the coffee maker. ]
Mornin'.
[ and then, of course, he realizes he never ordered any instant coffee. ohhhh, fuuck. judy, don't leave him hanging like this. there's a small whimper as he stares at the brewing pot and realizes it's jack's. there's no way he's going to share with rhys, right?
... right? ]
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Jack turns to face Rhys fully, since he's expecting more out of a conversation than a "morning," but Jack is also a morning person by nature. Even without having his coffee, he's fairly well awake, and so he just gives Rhys a nod at the half-greeting like they're coworkers meeting up in the morning. He's clearly expecting more here, since he figures he should let the crazy person lead the conversation.
Or, you know, not, apparently.
Jack watches as Rhys shuffles to the coffee maker, and he sets down one of the cans he's holding on the counter. He scoffs when Rhys whimpers, and even though he had that thought of letting Rhys lead the conversation, he also can't help himself. ]
Oh, what? You break my nose, and now you want some of my coffee?
[ There's a pause as if Jack is waiting for his reaction, but it's a short one. He waves his hand dismissively as he shakes his head and tosses the can in his other hand idly and catches it. ]
...Nahhh, I'm just messin' with ya, sir. I'm not in all-nighter mode, so I don't need a whole pot to myself. You want some, that's fine, but you've gotta get your own mug.
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his eyebrows crease and he pushes a hand through his hair, bangs out of his face as he looks to jack. his mouth opens a moment later to argue but then jack is moving on and offering his coffee anyway and rhys is sort of dumbfounded. he blinks, hand dropping and just stares at jack in confusion. he's really not awake enough for this. he should go back to sleep, right? maybe. hm. ]
I said --
[ "sorry", he was going to finish with though he's not actually sure if he said sorry or not. he can't remember. he probably said sorry, right? but instead he's looking a little dumbfounded at jack then and his eyebrows furrow. ]
You're wearing glasses. Why are you wearing glasses? You never wear glasses!
[ at least... as far as rhys knows he never wears glasses. none of the promotional jack pictures have him in glasses and the AI didn't come with them so. why. he feels kind of irritated that he didn't know such a basic fact about jack, honestly. ]
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Yeah, there you go again, talking like you know me. C'mon, at least let me have my coffee before you start pulling the weird... whatever.
[ Jack frowns, since he doesn't like that at all. Even if this is a friendlier Jack, he still had his share of secrets, and they were all ones he was invested in hiding. Granted, some of those were beyond his recall, but that only made that little itch of paranoia worse. He didn't like Rhys having any kind of advantage over him, and a true Hyperion, Jack's not going to give him any more of that leverage than he already has. He's just hoping that Rhys hasn't quite realized that just yet.
He tosses the can in his hand again, but it's set down too before he goes to grab a pan and a spatula. Looks like he's going to try out a corned beef hash this morning. ]
And I'm wearing glasses because- I mean, why else would I be wearing 'em? They're just reading glasses, all right? And I didn't feel like looking like a moron trying to read the stupid tiny print on these friggin' cans. [ He waves a hand dismissively as he starts to dig around for a can opener, though the comment that follows is more to himself than Rhys. ] Maybe should've fixed the eyesight before getting a double, but, eh, whatever.
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so, he sounds a little terse in reply, pinching his nose a little with the other hand propped on his waist. ]
Look, you were a pretty big part of my life, Jack. I can't just... act like it never happened. Do you want me to not talk to you or something? I gave you the option and you just kinda, uh, ignored it so either say you don't want to talk to me or deal with it.
[ he shrugs, a little helpless and then turns away to go look for a mug. he's still going to take that coffee, even if jack tells him to fuck off permanently and then... well, he'll probably cry a little but he'll get over it. he does keep in mind the tidbit about reading glasses though because, huh. he really never would've guessed. ]
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[ He wags the can opener that he's just found at Rhys, but it's just idle. He's very physically expressive in that familiar way, after all. Jack sighs, then grabs the can he'd been holding to start opening it. ]
Not saying you don't have to act like it never happened I gggguess? [ He'd rather go for that option. That option means that he doesn't have another crazy, clingy stalker. Or whatever? The point is: ] Look, I was a big part of your life, whatever, but I don't remember any of that stuff. So this is me trying to deal with that.
[ That wording bothers him, though, and as Rhys digs around for a coffee cup, Jack just finishes opening his can, then sets it down. It does occur to him that he could be more subtle about this particular subject, but he also intentionally decides that he doesn't want to in this case. ]
What, did we date, or what? You're totally making it sound like we, uh, date.
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I don't know what answer would make you less of a dick to me, [ he shrugs, hand dropping as he goes back to his mug search, talking as he goes. ] so, does it even matter? We were close, as close as you could get, and then suddenly you changed your mind and I was fighting for my life. That's the important part.
[ a soft there you are as he finally finds a mug and holds it to his chest, grinning happily to himself for a moment. he looks up to jack, smile still bright on his face before he remembers the conversation they're having and it immediately turns into a scowl. ]
You tried to kill me. I tried to get you to stop. Next thing, Helios is coming down around us and everyone I knew or cared about was dead. End of story. I took the Atlas deed from the rubble of your office and left to rebuild my life. Figured that was the least you owed me.
[ now that he's done looking for the mug though and the fact the coffee's still making, he doesn't really have much else to do. food's still the last thing on his mind so he just heads back to the coffeemaker and leans against the counter across from it, arms crossed and eyes fixed on the drip. come on, hurry up already. ]
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[ It's of course what he focuses on here first out of everything, because though there's again far too much to process in what Rhys says so casually, so he immediately latches onto what catches his attention most. That statement pulls right at Jack's nearly limitless ambitions, and his eyes brighten in that way that shows he's really, truly thinking about what that means for him, but the difference here is that it's short-lived. ]
Ahhhh, no, no, that doesn't matter. Forget that part.
[ He waves a hand to dismiss it with a slightly twisted up expression. He shakes his head and reaches up automatically to pinch the bridge of his nose, but then flinches away when he touches it and it's tender, of course. He curses under his breath, but then returns to occupying himself with breakfast, because giving his hands something to do is almost helpful for this conversation. He can still think through all the information being presented here, since his mind is racing with just that one little implication, so all of them together is considerably more to process.
Such as what should have been his immediate thought, and he knows it should have been. But it wasn't. He doesn't want to think about what that might say about him, so he just ignores that troubling realization.
First, he thinks that if he tried to kill this guy, he must have had a reason. That certainly makes sense to him as things are now, because he's only killed in self-defense so far. Sure, he enjoyed that, but... It was still self-defense, and he couldn't trust Rhys to be telling him the whole story here. He had probably attacked first, because that certainly fit with that fiasco in the bathroom last night. That, and what Rhys says now doesn't match up. He'd been proud about bringing Helios into Pandora, so this is certainly a lie. At least partially. But Jack will play along to an extent, he figures. ]
So... If I tried to kill you, I guess that kind of explains why you've been an asshole. [ he's just sayin ] I'm... Sorry? I guess? Sounds pretty insincere, since I don't remember it. Haven't done it yet? God, y'know, this is like some shitty scifi BS and it makes it really stupid to talk about.
[ He does at least look at Rhys at this point ]
D'you want me to talk to you? I dunno, if I tried to kill you or whatever, that's a pretty good reason. I was only trying to be friendly, which, y'know, still hold that this- [ He motions to his nose ] -was probably a little much, but. I'll leave you alone if it's... weird. Too weird. It's already weird as a baseline, least from my point of view.
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Yeah, you did. You, uhhh, trying to remember -- you drove them out of business. Then won it from the old CEO and killed him in front of his kids, I think? And kept the deed in case you wanted to do it again later. At least, that's how you told me it went. Something like that. Was it his kids or his dog...? Anyway, yeah, you were pretty proud.
[ still said with the same casual disinterest that means rhys isn't really lying, is he? this is insignificant, just another part of the jack that he knows and he still remembers the cringe he gave as jack told rhys the story in his office. it was a little funny, sure, but still kind of inappropriate for the situation -- with what fiona needing him to get the gortys piece and everything.
he decides not to look at jack though, instead looking down at the pattern of his socks as he continues to wait for the coffee. he's decided over the course of the night to answer jack's questions with... honesty, sort of. the type of honesty rhys can provide at least and while there's some key facts he might try and skirt around -- uploading jack to helios, jack being dead, the AI itself -- he thinks it might be fair to give the rest.
still, the apology is surprising enough to make him look at jack in genuine confusion. ]
You... aren't sorry for trying to kill me, Jack. I got in your way, so I was going to get killed. Everyone at Hyperion knew that. It's like --
[ he holds up a hand to a bit over his head. ]
Handsome Jack is here, right? And, the rest of us --
[ his other hand moves to mid-level, about where his shoulder is. ]
Are here. We ever try and get to your level or get above you, we die. I was an idiot who thought that rule didn't apply to me since we were... whatever. But I was wrong so, I did what I had to do. I wasn't going to die, even for you.
[ then he shrugs and drops his hands, pulling his knees up to his chest as he drops his head back against the wall with a sigh, eyes closing. ]
I want to talk to you because I -- I don't know. You still mean a lot to me. I know I shouldn't though because you'll probably just try and kill me again. Even if you don't remember how to kill people. I know better than to think I'm still your exception, Jack.
[ again, why do you have to make it sound so... gay... rhys, come on. but he is a miserable little cloud of psycho stalker who still doesn't look at jack as he waits for the coffee to finish brewing. ]
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So, this ends up being a peek into a closer future that finally closes the distance between who he feels he is now versus this abstract idea of himself in some future that Rhys is describing. He'd been making the moves to position himself advantageously against Atlas. Hell, hiring the Atlas assassin chick was a little strategic in itself, since he figured she'd known little tidbits that he could use.
But, that?
That's so much farther than Jack had imagined that whole thing going. That wasn't the kind of casual ruin that he'd done before. Hack into some servers, find all the juicy stuff, blackmail your way to the top before revealing it anyways to clean house. Sure, it ruined lives, but it didn't kill people. It's easy to see that kind of conflict on Jack's face for a moment as he listens to Rhys, but as he continues and demonstrates that difference, it shifts into a harder one. It's not completely intentional on Jack's part, but he's suddenly aware of how much of his emotion he's showing to a person that perhaps he shouldn't.
Because, honestly? What Rhys is describing here actually thrills him. It's thrilling in that way where he knows that he has to keep it to himself, as he always has. It's a feeling that Jack has never been able to put into words, but the rush that comes with the idea of people really, truly looking up to him in that way? It's fantastic. It's almost everything he's hoped for and worked so hard to achieve, and for what Rhys describes here, he can put enough pieces together to guess at just how close he might be. If Hyperion lasts that long, that means Elpis does too. Jack is a hero, and that-- That has to be where his eventual success comes from. The story that Rhys is spinning here reeks of his future success, and it feels so close that Jack could grab it if he plays his cards right.
...But he's also not so far gone as to do it viciously. Not yet. Since for all the bits of glory he can see in between those horrifying pieces, the horror isn't something he can ignore so easily or take pleasure in. It's not ruining people who were jerks and totally deserved it. It almost sounds like doing what's necessary as Jack tries to scramble for some kind of justification for his future self (which he realizes is ridiculous in itself), but those excuses are fragile at best. He can see them for what they are here, and it twists up in his stomach uncomfortably.
He's not sure how to feel. Should this inspire feelings of disgust? Or should it be pride? As it is, he's caught somewhere between the two, and in itself, he doesn't like what that might say about him.
For the normally so talkative Jack, it makes it clear that this is something he's giving serious consideration, even if whatever that consideration is doesn't show so readily on his face. He doesn't interrupt, and he doesn't even look like he wants to. He just listens, taking in each little piece to fit it together into this jumbled puzzle that Rhys keeps throwing in front of him. The silence would have probably lingered, but that last part resonates with Jack as something a bit more recent. He scoffs, and seeming to decide it's hot enough, grabs the can and starts to shovel its contents onto the hot pan. ]
Yeah, would say that's good advice, generally speaking. You think you're an exception, and you end up with a gun pointed at your back.
[ His words are bitter and personal in a way that makes it clear that he's speaking on something specific, but he doesn't elaborate on what that is. Really, he'd be happy to diss the Merriff and tell Rhys exactly what happened, because honestly, fuck that guy. He's still thinking about the best way to get back at him and make sure everyone knows what a total asshole he was. But it's also not the point here, and Jack doesn't think about how his bitterness without guilt could tie into that future he feels apprehension over.
While the mystery meat mixture sizzles in the pan, Jack walks closer to the coffee maker with his own mug, since at this point, it's ready. Whether he's just not thinking too much about it now or he really is feeling more at ease around Rhys, he's more confident as he approaches and gets in Rhys's personal space. He'll even wave a hand to try and get him to move, since he's kind of in the way. ]
Y'know, you're right, ki- Rhys. I'm not sorry for trying to kill you, because I- I mean, I didn't. I can't apologize for something I haven't done without it sounding totally fake. And, look. I have killed people. Since that "don't know how" comment is... It's probably bad if I say it's offensive. But, whatever, point is. You don't save the moon from a friggin' crazy army without putting bullets in peoples' brains. That's just, uh. How it's gonna go.
[ Before Jack even fills up his coffee cup, though, he beckons for Rhys's. In a quiet way, this is his gesture of peace, though Rhys might not pick up on it. ]
I'm not some psychopathic murderer.
[ As compared to that quick, rambling way Jack tends to speak, that much is said with certainty as he asks through a gesture for Rhys's mug. Maybe he's saying it because he wants to prove it to Rhys. Or maybe he just wants to prove it to himself. ]
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Even you? Are you that guy right now, Jack? The one holding the gun? [ he laughs and it's definitely still bitter, sad. ] I don't know, man, if I die here, I'm just expecting it to be you.
[ what... the fuck, rhys? you don't just say that? you don't just SAY things like that to a person but that's where rhys is right now, sleepy and frazzled and way too accepting of the idea that jack is going to try and kill him again. he expects it, honestly, even if he doesn't want it.
which is why his breath catches slightly when jack willingly comes closer and he moves with numb hands and a slight widening of his eyes to give jack his mug and work in tandem with him. there's an odd kind of synchronicity in the movements and rhys knows that jack wouldn't really be doing that on purpose so he tries to push it out of his mind. no, it's not like they're friends again. even a year later, he's not used to jack not being there anymore, hovering over his shoulder and giving his added commentary. it's a lacking feeling, like missing a limb.
he drums his fingertips on the counter a few times, watching as jack goes through the coffee serving movements and his eyes flick upwards to jack's face as he speaks. he wonders if he should clarify, that there's a difference in that kind of murder and what handsome jack does. he opens his mouth to say but then jack finishes with something else -- something that rhys has to take a moment to let out a slow breath as he processes it. his head drops back against the wall and one leg slides down to hang off the counter as he stares up at the ceiling for a moment.
no, he isn't a psychopathic murderer now, but when does he become one? ]
Not yet. It, uh, took a long time for me to see it and I kind of ignored it when my friends tried to -- tried to convince me otherwise and ditch you. But it wasn't until everything went to shit with us that I realized they were right. I thought a lot about it though since and I mean, I... don't think that's you right now but I think you're capable of it.
[ he shrugs, biting at his bottom lip and reaches out to take his mug with both hands when it's done, fingers deciding to tap over that instead. he feels nervous suddenly, fidgety, like saying the wrong thing will get hands around his throat.
but. but. that's not this jack, is it? this jack is listening to him. ]
So... yeah. You're going to kill me, sure, I get that, but I uh.... I hope you don't lose whatever it is keeping you together right now. I've seen enough of the other you to know that this... well, it's probably better.
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He'd probably been half hoping for Rhys to take back what he'd said at least somewhat and offer... Something. Forgiveness doesn't seem to be the right word, because there's nothing really to forgive here, or not in any way that makes sense in this odd situation. Jack had been wanting some reassurance that no, he could be different, that things would be different for him, but Rhys doesn't offer it. In fact, he just asserts it.
Rhys is so certain of the man Jack will become, and Jack doesn't even have that certainty for himself just yet.
It's chilling in a way that's difficult to hide. He's listening as Rhys takes that coffee from his hands, and Jack gets started with making his own, but he's only half-listening to the last portion. "I think you're capable of it" says enough. Jack looks at his coffee once he's poured it, and though it's still pretty hot and also not how Jack tends to take his coffee (he drowns it in sugar and cream, of course), he still takes a large drink of it before heading back to the stove where he's cooking. He's trying to play off how much this bothers him, but he's not very successful in it. ]
Christ, next time I just want to feel like shit, remind me to schedule breakfasts with you, buddy.
[ He's dismissive and self-deprecating, since of course he doesn't trust Rhys with anything more than that. He makes a dismissive noise and crosses his arms with a cold look on his face, but it's fairly short-lived. But he looks to Rhys before too long before speaking again. It's not what he's thinking in full-- It's in fact only the very highest portion of all of what he's feeling swirling around him, but of course there's one thing that Jack feels certain of. ]
You sound pretty certain that I'm gonna kill you, so. Just gonna have to prove you wrong. I realize that's kinda an oxymoron, since, yeah, proving someone wrong about not killing them just means not being a crazy dickbag, but. I think you get the sentiment I'm trying to get across here.
[ He takes another drink of his coffee, though this time, he frowns more at the bitterness. Cheap black coffee is the worst, why did he do this to himself. ]
...Hope so, at least.
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and yet as he sits here and takes a sip of his coffee (a brief moment of surprise when he realizes jack made it just how he takes it) and watches the tense lines of jack's back, he really does feel pretty bad. at the comment admitting it, rhys drops his head a little and sighs. ]
Didn't mean to make you feel bad, Jack. I-- Well, I usually don't care about how anyone feels, they're assholes, but you're... different aaaand that just continues to make me sound like a creepy stalker, doesn't it?
[ he's aware of it, at least. he was about to press again, to tell jack just how much he cared and hope it meant something -- but it's gone on long enough and every time he insists, jack just closes up more on him. if they're going to be friends, at all? rhys has to stop doing that. he sighs and slips off the counter, wiggling his toes on tile as he takes another sip of coffee and steps hesitantly closer in jack's direction.
he listens to jack's sureness and feels the well of worship reopen inside him, rusty and dry from such a long period of disuse. in rhys' eyes, jack shines brighter than anyone else and all rhys wants to do is preserve it, this jack. the one that isn't dead or turned into something worse.
he wonders then, if he might be a bad influence on jack? the thought makes him kind of dizzy with the need to show his worth to jack. he doesn't know how good a plan that would be though, not right now. ]
Okay, then... don't kill me. I'd appreciate it.
[ he sounds doubtful, wary, and he takes another sip of his coffee, tapping his foot on the ground a few times. ]
I'm, er, I'm gonna go, alright? I don't want to make you feel any worse, dude. It's just making me feel like shit too.
[ a frustrated huff, fingers carding through his hair and jack can probably hear him start heading for the door. if he's not stopped, well, then he'll see you later, jack. ]
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Yikes.
He's probably mid-thought about thinking about just why people are so obsessed with him, since those are far more pleasant thoughts than the alternative when Rhys gets up to leave. ]
What, and leave me to stew in my- [ Just from the idiom, it's clear the next word is probably "misery," but Jack abruptly switches tracks on that sentence. He reaches out to grab Rhys's arm before he passes, but he lets go again almost immediately. It's just to stop him from leaving, since it seems like Jack has something else in mind here. ] Uh-uh, nope, you-- You are eating some of this crap with me.
[ It's not really a question so much as a demand, but Jack won't actually push any more than this. For once, he's still hesitant with Rhys and unsure of how to handle nearly everything about him as some kind of Ghost of Shitmas Future or whatever, but. There are a few facts that still remain here.
One, Rhys knows about the future. He keeps focusing on the really... awful parts, but Hyperion through and through, Jack absolutely isn't going to pass up that opportunity. He had been willing to put up with a crazy person to get a glimpse into the future for an edge, and that desire hasn't changed.
Two, there is a lot of corned beef hash here, and the only thing worse than canned corned beef hash is leftover hash. Especially when there's nothing to store it in. So, they either eat it together, or Jack just waits around for someone to wander by and shoves it in their face instead.
And three— In truth, Jack doesn't want to be alone, not at the moment. Even if the reason for that was the very person he was "inviting" to breakfast, it was still better than having to think more on what he's learned here on his own. Before he starts tackling those issues, he'd much rather spend time with someone. Really, it's more like anyone in this case, since he's rather desperately avoiding those thoughts for the time being.
But, if nothing else, these three factors work somewhat in Rhys's favor. ]
So, y'know, stick around. It's almost done. Probably. God, I don't know. You know the last time I cooked anything like this? I don't want to relive those days, and yet, here we friggin' are.
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okay, okay. he can stay with jack, eat some breakfast, not make it so weird. he told judy he'd be his friend and he still wants that but his plan was to let jack come to him, give him a few days to settle and then come back to rhys. apparently, jack's not going to let that happen and rhys feels a little blindsided.
so, right. the first thing he tells himself is to stop freaking out jack with the future stuff and also... taking out... his anger at future jack on this jack. don't do that. he keeps doing that, jack's gonna leave him again and that would be, uh, worse. rhys isn't quite sure if he could deal with jack's abandonment again, especially when not given a catalyst for it like "jack's trying to fucking kill you".
he drags a hand over his face and nods jerkily before stepping closer to look in the pan. without really thinking about it, he probably gets a bit closer than he should -- flesh hand moving to rest on the small of jack's back, robot hand bracing against the counter, while he looks over jack's shoulder into the pan. he makes a bit of a face. ]
What is that? It looks like ground up skag sausage, dude.
[ rhys has a sophisticated palate, okay. ]
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Liiiike the touching. Jack tenses up when Rhys touches his back, since if you're going to touch another dude, that's not the most casual part of their back to touch. It's only a minor flinch, and it would be easy enough to miss if Rhys's hand weren't there to feel it, but Jack plays off the awkwardness of that moment with a smile. ]
Look, I know I'm pretty much the most handsome guy ever— [ As if Rhys needed more proof that this was indeed the guy that would become Handsome Jack, there's another facet of it. The embarrassing facet. Even so, he does seem more jovial about it. ] —Buuuut, hands off the merchandise.
[ Without missing a beat at all from telling Rhys to back up, he motions to the pan. ]
That? That is corned beef hash. It totally looks like dog food, right? 'Cause, yeah, skag sausage might be generous. ...Do they actually make sausage out of— No, wait, don't answer that, I don't care. [ He shrugs ] Used to make it for myself a lot when I was, uh, a kid. Tastes better than it looks. Not great. Nnnnot anything I really ever wanted to eat again. But, yeah. Defintiely better than it looks.
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A-ahaha... ha... right, right. Totally handsome, sure. Whatever you say, Jack.
[ this is one of his more embarrassing interactions, he realizes, which is why he latches on pretty desperately to the talk of corned beef hash. something that rhys still doesn't really understand. he never had to eat canned food before?? this realization actually makes him pale and he's pushing off the counter to go dig around in the cabinets again. ]
Wait, wait, wait. Hold up a sec. I -- well, first of all, yes they make skag sausage but I've never had it because I don't eat that kind of thing. [ poor people pandoran food ] And, you're saying you made this when you were a kid? That -- Why? Why would you do that to yourself?
[ a pause and rhys is crouched down, digging through cabinets and tossing cans here and there as he realizes exactly what's happening here. ]
... Oh my god, this is all bandit food.
[ aka poor people but he wouldn't say it that literally. ]
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There's little to do but let it cook, so Jack instead turns to watch Rhys dig around at a feverish pitch, since he can guess what realization he's just had. Jack at least thinks that Rhys just hadn't been in the kitchen so far to see their food options here rather than the reality of him just not eating before now... ]
Because I was a kid? So I ate whatever grandma bought? Duh?
[ Jack is at least open about that, though it's also very brief because it's a topic he doesn't like talking about for personal reasons. It's not quite the secrecy he would later hold over his personal life, though. Still, when Rhys has his Terrible Realization, Jack shakes his head and is happier to move onto that topic. ]
But, uh, no, this isn't bandit food. That would include way more-- They eat people, right? I've totally seen this thing on the ECHONet about, uh... Face pizza or something? And skag sausage. Because, y'know, same. Not real interested in expanding my palate to Pandoran cuisine.
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still, the explanation isn't enough for rhys and he just waves a hand dismissively at jack as he continues to dig. ]
You could've said no. Or, I dunno, make her buy something else. That's what I made my mom do.
[ rhys has been a brat forever, honestly. but there's something about saying that that makes a twinge of guilt show up in his stupid, greedy white boy soul and jack can probably catch him muttering to himself -- ]
... Should I apologize for that? Was that mean? Ehhh.
[ and he just continues digging. whatever, let's get on the fact that it's bandit food. he holds up a can of beans and a can of sausage and looks at them despairingly before back up at jack. ]
Face pizza... [ said kind of distractedly before oh, oh yeah. ] Yeah, I've seen face pizza. Was disgusting to peel off. Anyway, this super duper is bandit food. Look at this? Beans? Canned beans? Why would anyone eat this? And -- and canned sausages? What the hell is a vienna? Oh my god, why would you put this in your body?
[ he truly looks like he hit rock bottom here, dropping the cans to the floor and dragging his hands over his face, as he tilts his head back up to the ceiling. why is he eating this terrible food? he's going to complain to judy. ]
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[ Jack's response is immediate, and he still sounds amused over anything else. This of course is mostly just because of watch Rhys's rich white boy despair, because though Jack did a lot to distance himself from his less than glamorous upbringing, it's still pretty hilarious to him to hear someone casually suggest getting grandma to buy something else. The amusement overrides the offense, at least, because Jack has certainly done everything he could to pretend that was never, ever something he would be offended over. He's embracing the rich boy lifestyle in full.
Of course, all of that amusement pretty much falls away at one comment, and Jack's expression twists up into a nice combination of disbelief and disgust. ]
Waitwaitwait, peel off? Whyyyy were you just- Just generally around a face pi— [ oh right rhys is crazy ] Wait, did you peel off someone's face?
[ what the fuck ]
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he looks up at jack incredulously before shaking his head, continuing to toss. ]
No! What the fuck? The Psycho did, but I had to get it back. The face was like, from my boss and I had to use his body to get back on Helios. It was a whole thing and soooo gro--
[ and he's about to finish that sentence when his metal arm sort of gives a weird jerk, mid-can toss and he sort of throws it hard against the cabinet. in response, it pings right back off and beans rhys right in the black eye he was already sporting. he lets out a yell of pain before pressing his flesh hand to his face while the robot one jerks wildly off to the side.
this all takes about the length of a few seconds. ]
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So, what, you really piss off Tas-- [ Jack's response is so immediate that he forgets what Rhys has told him, because of course Jack just assumes that Tassiter would be Rhys's boss. The guy is kind of everyone's boss, so obviously? Though even so, it's probably a good thing that Jack jumps to his own conclusion here, since otherwise, he would have assumed that Rhys meant his face, and that wasn't going to be helpful in the "totally not creepy" department.
So honestly, Rhys's arm is the real hero here.
Jack stops mid-sentence abruptly as Rhys just... punches himself in the face, making a sort of woah of surprise and taking a half step back. The surprise stays on his face, but it's at least not judgement. Or at least not for the confusing garbage spilling out of Rhys's mouth. There's a brief moment of silence, and then Jack offers quite hesitantly: ]
Yyyyyou doin' okay there, sir?
[ Rhys really only gets the stir as a stand-in for Jack mentally going "crazy person." ]