[ The next time Rhys is using one of the general terminals, he might notice a message waiting for him. He can return mail to the sending address, but the address itself is more or less gibberish. Of course, that might not matter when compared to the brief message itself. ]
So, I remember. And you know? Mostly been remembering what a selfish prick you are.
[ The response isn't immediate. In fact, it doesn't come until the next day. Is it because Jack is mad or something else?? A Mystery. ]
yeah you think? fuck you. like seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you?
how long did you know? I need to know exactly how pissed off I need to be right now. on a scale from "I'm keeping this ring in my pocket" to "if I ever see you again I'm shoving it down your goddamn throat and choking you with it," roughly.
[ rhys is 100% probably assuming he's mad so when he gets this reply, he just winces and tries to figure out what to say. hilariously enough, jack is probably going to get this email after the whole BBS fiasco. ]
I didn't know long at all. After Hitsugi, she was the second kill and then I was just so messed up, I didn't know which to believe? They both felt so real, Jack.
But during the trial, it's not like THEY knew the truth and I wasn't sure if it was okay to reveal it? Plus, no one would believe me. YOU wouldn't believe me. If I told you "hey Jack, we're actually married and all of this is fake and it's my fault you're here and Elpis doesn't exist" would you have gone "gee, maybe you have a point, Rhys"? No. You were living your delusion just like everyone else! And so was I! I had to stick to the delusion, Jack! I had no time to process the other half so I had to keep believing in the fake stuff!
And there's nothing out there, Jack. The world outside is GONE. You remember how it was before we got here, it just got worse and Vault Tec knew it. This was the only way we could stay together and I took it and I know I should've talked to you about it and ask your opinion but I didn't because I'm an idiot, okay? An idiot who can't bear to live without you.
And now we're separated again because I fucked it up, but I swear -- I have a plan this time. A better one. This one's really going to work and then we can be happy, okay? Just the two of us, like we were before. I'm so, so sorry.
well that plan sure backfired didn't it? you're living without me. because you killed me. you didn't even have the goddamn decency to be I don't know SANE about it
because you know what else I remember? I remember what it feels like to have a scalpel in my skull. and you knew then. just minus all this fake memory bullshit, you knew and still did that to me. so, yeah, I feel like I have a pretty good reason for feeling so pissed off at you that I need a new word to describe this level of anger.
if there's really nothing left, I would've preferred the alternative. at least I would've died trusting you. your crazy bullshit plans that never work in the first place (case in point: literally everything about this) aren't going to fix that, Rhys.
you killed me and now I'm here, alone. so what was your great plan to start with? don't lie to me.
If I was sane about it, you would have killed me, Jack. I knew I had to kill you and I knew I couldn't be delicate about it because there was no way you weren't going down without a fight with the memories you had.
But the eye thing I regret. I don't know what I was thinking and the only way I can justify it is just... I'm pretty sure I'm going crazy? Or am crazy. I'm just so angry all the time and I don't question what I do anymore. I know, I was always impulsive but I swear it's way, way, way worse lately. I think I've lost my mind? Shit.
I SWEAR it'll work this time. You don't have to believe me but I know what I'm doing, I swear to god. Things WILL work out. Just trust me one last time, okay? And then, fuck. I don't know. You can divorce me if you want. You deserve that now, I know that.
[ but ughhh how is he going to explain the rest. typing this out is hard and makes him feel ill but he's trying so hard to be honest for jack here because -- well, it's jack. his other half! his better half! ]
Vault Tec offered me a position in one of their Vaults as a staff member. I asked about you and they said it wouldn't be extended. So, I made a deal. I'll work for them here if you were brought in too. Not as a staff member, just as a resident. I... knew it wasn't exactly on the up and up here but I thought I'd be able to avoid most of the bad stuff with you, and once it was over we could just spend the rest of the time together. It was either you come in here with me or I leave you out there. There wasn't much of a choice when it came to me NOT joining the Vault.
So, I thought it'd be fine. Didn't know about the memories. Now I'm trying to make up for it. Even if we're together ... digitally, isn't that fine too? Still meets the same end we were looking for.
You realize I thought you killed me so you could have that spot yourself, right? Thought you abandoned me. And to be honest here? Still not sure if that's your plan or not. So I can't really trust you swearing it'll work this time. How many times have you said "I know what I'm doing" and I'm the one to come save your ass? Because no, you don't. Otherwise this wouldn't have happened.
So I don't know if it's going to be fine. I can't trust you with that anymore.
You finish whatever the hell it is you feel like is so goddamn important, then kill yourself. Or get someone to kill you. Whatever.
You come talk to me in person. Then I'll believe you.
Why the hell would I ever do that? You are... really misunderstanding me here, Jack. Or doubting me. Or whatever the hell is going through your head and I'm sorry if how violent I was when I killed you made you doubt me but Jack, seriously?
One thing that's always true with us, no matter what: I'm always on your side. It doesn't matter how fucked up things get between us or some bullshit that pops up or, hell, even if I've genuinely lost it here. Doesn't matter because I'm with you, always. You're my other half, you colossal asshole! It's fucking killing me not to be with you right now!
I love you. I love you. And I'd repeat it a thousand times if it gets you to fucking believe me! I'd never abandon you, you're my partner. You'll never have to worry about that with me, even if I do something that makes no sense to you. Even with the fake memories, I still only ever thought of you. Doesn't that mean something to you?
Because I'm here and you're not, dumbass. It'd be one thing if you were actually here because then I could just kick the shit out of you for being a crazy asshole and killing me and feel better.
I'm angrier than I've ever been alright? At you for dragging me into this bullshit in the first place, at having this whole other life that isn't even real, at the life we did have just being gone now, there's a lot of just shit. that I'm super angry about. And a lot of it is your fault. Like, I'm still gonna punch you in the face and break YOUR nose this time, but
Okay pause because goddammit you know what else I'm pissed about? Having to write this. You know I hate doing this kind of stuff
Yeah it does mean something. That's why you said that thing about that moon right? Elpis? Fuck it's weird knowing all this stuff and knowing it's all just... made up.
Sorry. Look, we don't have to talk about this crap anymore, okay? I'm going to get to you as soon as I can, I promise. Just wait a few more days and you'll see. Then you can kick my ass as much as you want. I know I deserve it, Jack.
And yeah, that's why I said it. Did you really think I could know the truth more than a few hours without doing something about it? If I told you, you would've been pissed at me. So, I don't know, I just thought to take us both out since I knew we'd end up where you are now. Fuck!! This is so stupid!!
Fine. I'm not forgiving you btw, not yet, but I can wait I guess
I mean no. In retrospect now that's why you were being super touchy feely when I was patching you up, kind of obvious. Wish your DUMB ASS PLAN had worked but I'm asking about Elpis because that was what I was super focused on. You weren't saying that to be a dick, were you?
Also, you have no idea. Or maybe you do. whatever. Rhys I have knowledge of these memes, like, extensive knowledge. What the hell is a meme though? Like we didn't call my dad jokes memes but now I know they're memes and that's so goddamn stupid
Actually, I was kind of saying it to be a dick but look, I was kind of mad that you seemed to give more of a shit about some fake moon than me? You were totally willing to throw me under the bus FOR A FAKE MOON. A MOON THAT IS FAKE. ASSHOLE.
Maybe they'll just... go away. I bet the memes will leave if you try really hard. Just, you know, stop paying attention to them.
you are such a piece of shit sometimes you know that
how many times do I have to say I DIDN'T REMEMBER WHO YOU WERE before you get it? which again, your goddamn fault in the first place. also fuck you these memories may be weird and crazy and in space for some reason??? but I still know damn well because of that fakeass company that we worked for that you would've thrown ME under the bus if you thought it would get you a promotion
dick
also no this is part of me being mad at you. you have to suffer these memes until you die because you're the only person that knows what they mean.
WELL I KNOW THAT!! But it still sucked that you didn't. Why didn't your fake memories have me in them?? What the fuck was that about? I mean other than blatantly showing you don't care about me as much as I care about you. That I'm pretty sure I knew before we even got here, so fuck you if I wanted a little payback for that.
And YOU would've thrown ME under the bus too SINCE THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID. FYI. YOU THREW ME UNDER THE BUS HERE. I know I killed you but you're not exactly coming up clean either, fucker.
No, you are not going to use the memes to punish me. What the fuck? I don't deserve that.
I don't know! I didn't get to friggin pick them so ask judy? which fuck you too because you can't bring that kind of stuff into what memories I got saddled with because that is NOT MY FAULT jesus
I DIDN'T THROW YOU UNDER THE BUS UNTIL YOU WERE A CRAZY ASSHOLE RHYS
that's less throwing someone under the bus and watching as they get run over by a bus after they go stand in the middle of traffic
so, yeah, fuck you here we go
I'm standing in your server room Cuz I got kicked while playing Doom The lights are dim, but I can see Your hardware is so quality I need to apply the patch So I can get back in the match But something's caught my eye A mainframe reaching through the sky
You've got a good looking mainframe I like the size of your mainframe I have a query for your mainframe Can I make an input output request?
It's standing there so shiny Will you accept my query? I need to prove this theory Anticipate is killing me If you could just calculate What is the optimum rate? I know you'll pass the test Your monolithic mainframe is the best
You've got a good looking mainframe I like the size of your mainframe I have a query for your mainframe Can I make an input output request?
So what?? It still made everything I did here for YOU and now you're acting like I stabbed you in the back when everything since I got here has been FOR YOU. EVEN GETTING US HERE WAS FOR YOU. SO FUCK YOU.
YOU HELPED HER?? YOU HELPED THE WOMAN OBVIOUSLY INVESTIGATING THE STAFF WHEN YOU KNEW I WAS STAFF. HOW IS THAT NOT THROWING ME UNDER THE BUS?
AND FUCK YOU YOU'RE NOT GETTING THAT SONG STUCK IN MY HEAD
okay I am not acting here because you didn't stab me in the back you stabbed me in the face remember
I wasn't going to let her kill YOU that was the whole goddamn point! we need one staff member for information oh wow look there's one of them actually WILLING TO TALK TO US (or at least me). she kind of agreed until you went BATSHIT CRAZY
{o,o} |)__) -“-“- O RLY? because I totally think I am dickweed
AND BIGBY WAS A STAFF MEMBER, YOU MORON. SHE WAS NEVER GOING TO TRUST ME WHEN SHE ALREADY HAD BIGBY IN HER POCKET, YOU ABSOLUTE PIECE OF SHIT!!!! HE SPENT ALL HIS TIME TRYING TO NOT GET HER KILLED AND WAS OBVIOUSLY TRYING TO SELL US OUT TO HER!!!!!!!!!! STOP TRYING TO JUSTIFY THE FACT YOU THREW ME UNDER THE BUS FOR SOMEONE YOU BARELY KNEW. OF COURSE I HAD TO TAKE US BOTH OUT, OTHERWISE I WAS GOING TO DIE AND YOU WERE GOING TO KEEP BELIEVING SOMETHING THAT WASN'T TRUE AT ALL, EVEN IF YOU GOT OUT OF HERE. WHY WOULD I DO THAT TO YOU!!!!!!!!!
you wouldn't have believed me, jack. i knew what i was doing but there's certain shit i couldn't tell you and instead you thought i was fucking everything up.
oh WHATEVER. it's irrelevant anyway since i haven't worn it in years.
also you know what, the best thing you ever did here was SHAVE THAT HORRIBLE GOATEE. why did you even think that was okay?? ever??? it was like a rat tail but ON YOUR FACE
I can't believe you made me shave my goatee?? I'm adding that to the list of "terrible things you've done to me in the past week". there shouldn't BE a list dickhead
and it makes me COOL not that you would ever know? and guess what? it's back bitch because I guess I also get back facial hair along with eyes which is a weird combo but the point is
wait wait wait are you SERIOUS right now. do you seriously think I cheated on you?
okay like granted I am a GREAT catch and everyone should be hopping on this dick because it's just that bomb. but what the FUCK rhys it was one goddamn week and everyone in this stupid vault is a friggin toddler anyways
okay well I kind of did but ONLY before I found out how old she was?? like come on she's super hot and her makeup made her look way older so it's totally not my fault. but you're more into the age difference thing than me so I wasn't gonna tap that
so the "thing" was just "someone asked me for help" dumbass
jesus christ rhys I didn't even know who the hell you were. and you broke my nose? that's another for the list by the way
and 1) I didn't stab you in the back 2) even if you're just being an overdramatic tit and maybe I did, I didn't do it on purpose. she already knew it was you
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
day 8 (after the trial ofc)
So, I remember. And you know? Mostly been remembering what a selfish prick you are.
Hope you enjoy that spot, asshole.
no subject
long
long moment.
then he just frantically types. ]
BABE I'M REALLY SORRY THE EYYE THING WAS A MISTAKE HOLY SHT IM SO SORRY PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE BE OKAY
I MISS YOU
I LOVE YOU
day 9
yeah you think? fuck you. like seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you?
how long did you know? I need to know exactly how pissed off I need to be right now. on a scale from "I'm keeping this ring in my pocket" to "if I ever see you again I'm shoving it down your goddamn throat and choking you with it," roughly.
no subject
I didn't know long at all. After Hitsugi, she was the second kill and then I was just so messed up, I didn't know which to believe? They both felt so real, Jack.
But during the trial, it's not like THEY knew the truth and I wasn't sure if it was okay to reveal it? Plus, no one would believe me. YOU wouldn't believe me. If I told you "hey Jack, we're actually married and all of this is fake and it's my fault you're here and Elpis doesn't exist" would you have gone "gee, maybe you have a point, Rhys"? No. You were living your delusion just like everyone else! And so was I! I had to stick to the delusion, Jack! I had no time to process the other half so I had to keep believing in the fake stuff!
And there's nothing out there, Jack. The world outside is GONE. You remember how it was before we got here, it just got worse and Vault Tec knew it. This was the only way we could stay together and I took it and I know I should've talked to you about it and ask your opinion but I didn't because I'm an idiot, okay? An idiot who can't bear to live without you.
And now we're separated again because I fucked it up, but I swear -- I have a plan this time. A better one. This one's really going to work and then we can be happy, okay? Just the two of us, like we were before. I'm so, so sorry.
no subject
because you know what else I remember? I remember what it feels like to have a scalpel in my skull. and you knew then. just minus all this fake memory bullshit, you knew and still did that to me. so, yeah, I feel like I have a pretty good reason for feeling so pissed off at you that I need a new word to describe this level of anger.
if there's really nothing left, I would've preferred the alternative. at least I would've died trusting you. your crazy bullshit plans that never work in the first place (case in point: literally everything about this) aren't going to fix that, Rhys.
you killed me and now I'm here, alone. so what was your great plan to start with? don't lie to me.
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But the eye thing I regret. I don't know what I was thinking and the only way I can justify it is just... I'm pretty sure I'm going crazy? Or am crazy. I'm just so angry all the time and I don't question what I do anymore. I know, I was always impulsive but I swear it's way, way, way worse lately. I think I've lost my mind? Shit.
I SWEAR it'll work this time. You don't have to believe me but I know what I'm doing, I swear to god. Things WILL work out. Just trust me one last time, okay? And then, fuck. I don't know. You can divorce me if you want. You deserve that now, I know that.
[ but ughhh how is he going to explain the rest. typing this out is hard and makes him feel ill but he's trying so hard to be honest for jack here because -- well, it's jack. his other half! his better half! ]
Vault Tec offered me a position in one of their Vaults as a staff member. I asked about you and they said it wouldn't be extended. So, I made a deal. I'll work for them here if you were brought in too. Not as a staff member, just as a resident. I... knew it wasn't exactly on the up and up here but I thought I'd be able to avoid most of the bad stuff with you, and once it was over we could just spend the rest of the time together. It was either you come in here with me or I leave you out there. There wasn't much of a choice when it came to me NOT joining the Vault.
So, I thought it'd be fine. Didn't know about the memories. Now I'm trying to make up for it. Even if we're together ... digitally, isn't that fine too? Still meets the same end we were looking for.
no subject
So I don't know if it's going to be fine. I can't trust you with that anymore.
You finish whatever the hell it is you feel like is so goddamn important, then kill yourself. Or get someone to kill you. Whatever.
You come talk to me in person. Then I'll believe you.
no subject
One thing that's always true with us, no matter what: I'm always on your side. It doesn't matter how fucked up things get between us or some bullshit that pops up or, hell, even if I've genuinely lost it here. Doesn't matter because I'm with you, always. You're my other half, you colossal asshole! It's fucking killing me not to be with you right now!
I love you. I love you. And I'd repeat it a thousand times if it gets you to fucking believe me! I'd never abandon you, you're my partner. You'll never have to worry about that with me, even if I do something that makes no sense to you. Even with the fake memories, I still only ever thought of you. Doesn't that mean something to you?
no subject
I'm angrier than I've ever been alright? At you for dragging me into this bullshit in the first place, at having this whole other life that isn't even real, at the life we did have just being gone now, there's a lot of just shit. that I'm super angry about. And a lot of it is your fault. Like, I'm still gonna punch you in the face and break YOUR nose this time, but
Okay pause because goddammit you know what else I'm pissed about? Having to write this. You know I hate doing this kind of stuff
Yeah it does mean something. That's why you said that thing about that moon right? Elpis? Fuck it's weird knowing all this stuff and knowing it's all just... made up.
no subject
And yeah, that's why I said it. Did you really think I could know the truth more than a few hours without doing something about it? If I told you, you would've been pissed at me. So, I don't know, I just thought to take us both out since I knew we'd end up where you are now. Fuck!! This is so stupid!!
no subject
I mean no. In retrospect now that's why you were being super touchy feely when I was patching you up, kind of obvious. Wish your DUMB ASS PLAN had worked but I'm asking about Elpis because that was what I was super focused on. You weren't saying that to be a dick, were you?
Also, you have no idea. Or maybe you do. whatever. Rhys I have knowledge of these memes, like, extensive knowledge. What the hell is a meme though? Like we didn't call my dad jokes memes but now I know they're memes and that's so goddamn stupid
no subject
Actually, I was kind of saying it to be a dick but look, I was kind of mad that you seemed to give more of a shit about some fake moon than me? You were totally willing to throw me under the bus FOR A FAKE MOON. A MOON THAT IS FAKE. ASSHOLE.
Maybe they'll just... go away. I bet the memes will leave if you try really hard. Just, you know, stop paying attention to them.
no subject
how many times do I have to say I DIDN'T REMEMBER WHO YOU WERE before you get it? which again, your goddamn fault in the first place. also fuck you these memories may be weird and crazy and in space for some reason??? but I still know damn well because of that fakeass company that we worked for that you would've thrown ME under the bus if you thought it would get you a promotion
dick
also no this is part of me being mad at you. you have to suffer these memes until you die because you're the only person that knows what they mean.
no subject
And YOU would've thrown ME under the bus too SINCE THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID. FYI. YOU THREW ME UNDER THE BUS HERE. I know I killed you but you're not exactly coming up clean either, fucker.
No, you are not going to use the memes to punish me. What the fuck? I don't deserve that.
no subject
I DIDN'T THROW YOU UNDER THE BUS UNTIL YOU WERE A CRAZY ASSHOLE RHYS
that's less throwing someone under the bus and watching as they get run over by a bus after they go stand in the middle of traffic
so, yeah, fuck you here we go
I'm standing in your server room
Cuz I got kicked while playing Doom
The lights are dim, but I can see
Your hardware is so quality
I need to apply the patch
So I can get back in the match
But something's caught my eye
A mainframe reaching through the sky
You've got a good looking mainframe
I like the size of your mainframe
I have a query for your mainframe
Can I make an input output request?
It's standing there so shiny
Will you accept my query?
I need to prove this theory
Anticipate is killing me
If you could just calculate
What is the optimum rate?
I know you'll pass the test
Your monolithic mainframe is the best
You've got a good looking mainframe
I like the size of your mainframe
I have a query for your mainframe
Can I make an input output request?
no subject
YOU HELPED HER?? YOU HELPED THE WOMAN OBVIOUSLY INVESTIGATING THE STAFF WHEN YOU KNEW I WAS STAFF. HOW IS THAT NOT THROWING ME UNDER THE BUS?
AND FUCK YOU YOU'RE NOT GETTING THAT SONG STUCK IN MY HEAD
no subject
I wasn't going to let her kill YOU that was the whole goddamn point! we need one staff member for information oh wow look there's one of them actually WILLING TO TALK TO US (or at least me). she kind of agreed until you went BATSHIT CRAZY
{o,o}
|)__)
-“-“-
O RLY?
because I totally think I am dickweed
no subject
AND BIGBY WAS A STAFF MEMBER, YOU MORON. SHE WAS NEVER GOING TO TRUST ME WHEN SHE ALREADY HAD BIGBY IN HER POCKET, YOU ABSOLUTE PIECE OF SHIT!!!! HE SPENT ALL HIS TIME TRYING TO NOT GET HER KILLED AND WAS OBVIOUSLY TRYING TO SELL US OUT TO HER!!!!!!!!!! STOP TRYING TO JUSTIFY THE FACT YOU THREW ME UNDER THE BUS FOR SOMEONE YOU BARELY KNEW. OF COURSE I HAD TO TAKE US BOTH OUT, OTHERWISE I WAS GOING TO DIE AND YOU WERE GOING TO KEEP BELIEVING SOMETHING THAT WASN'T TRUE AT ALL, EVEN IF YOU GOT OUT OF HERE. WHY WOULD I DO THAT TO YOU!!!!!!!!!
FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!
no subject
why didn't you just say that?
no subject
i wasn't.
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fuck off, i don't want to talk to you anymore until i'm done here.
no subject
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day 9 : after the bbs starts
there now it's private
I was serious about the club btw mitsukaya or whatever he's a cool dude
no subject
he insulted my clothes???
no subject
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actually no I take it back the third grader can match colors better
no subject
also you know what, the best thing you ever did here was SHAVE THAT HORRIBLE GOATEE. why did you even think that was okay?? ever??? it was like a rat tail but ON YOUR FACE
no subject
and it makes me COOL not that you would ever know? and guess what? it's back bitch because I guess I also get back facial hair along with eyes which is a weird combo but the point is
....................../´¯/)
....................,/¯../
.................../..../
............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\
........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
.........\.................'...../
..........''...\.......... _.·´
............\..............(
..............\.............\...
fuck you
1/2
YOU'RE SO MATURE FUCK YOU
2/2
also i'm asking judy to erase the code that gives you a dick
HOPE YOU LIKE BEING A EUNUCH
no subject
also this would effect you too dumbass because also super remember you spending like the last week trying to hop on my dick
no subject
AND IT WAS MY DICK TO HAVE, JACK. YOU WERE THE ONE CHEATING ON ME.
no subject
wait wait wait are you SERIOUS right now. do you seriously think I cheated on you?
okay like granted I am a GREAT catch and everyone should be hopping on this dick because it's just that bomb. but what the FUCK rhys it was one goddamn week and everyone in this stupid vault is a friggin toddler anyways
no subject
give him a moment. ]
then uh
what was that thing with elizabeth about? i mean
she was obviously trying to catch me and
i figured you were helping her because you wanted to fuck her
no subject
so the "thing" was just "someone asked me for help" dumbass
no subject
so
all it takes is for someone to just ask for you to stab me in the back? or does it have to be a pretty girl, specifically?
no subject
and 1) I didn't stab you in the back 2) even if you're just being an overdramatic tit and maybe I did, I didn't do it on purpose. she already knew it was you
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aka after a few hours rhys is getting another email ]
you're proving my point here for the record you big baby
you can't just ignore me
no subject
especially since the rest of the day sort of goes crazy busy and full of farts for him. he'll talk to you later, jack!! ]